Another guest post from our favorite friend Stu -

Since my break-up, a lot of folks have thrown out adages as advice or for comfort. The most common one seems to be: Time heals all wounds. I’m not so sure about that now. I’m beginning to think that time doesn’t heal all wounds. What does heal wounds is what you DO with that time.

I blogged awhile back about my struggle with loneliness. Was I alone or was I lonely? Or both? For me, being alone describes a physical state, whereas, loneliness describes a mental and emotional state of being.  I had my 20 year high school reunion a couple of weeks ago. It was absolutely wonderful reconnecting with people that I hadn’t seen in awhile. There was a point in the night when I took a step back and just watched everyone interact with each other. I watched people laugh and embrace, and relive old memories. They tied their old memories to new ones they were creating that night. I didn’t feel alone.

As my journey of self exploration continues, I know that I am not alone, but am I lonely? Introspective journeys are not always the easiest things to do. They are raw and visceral and can sometimes sting. Being forced to look at yourself; the good, the bad, and the ugly, is not always a pleasant experience. Now I know that deep down I am a good person, but I do have my faults, as does everyone. The hard part for me is accepting those faults, embracing them, and learning how to assimilate them into who I am. I need to learn from them.

I’ve been struggling lately with anger and jealousy. I’ve always had a pretty extensive circle of friends, so when my break-up occurred, I felt that I would have amply people to turn to for advice and for empathy. I would be the one to bounce back the easiest and the quickest and the most seamlessly. But that didn’t happen. Was I embraced by my friends? Yes. Did they impart some wonderful advice to me? Yes. Did I take it to heart? I’m not so sure. I don’t think I knew or know how to. When you have so many walls that are thrust up again, to protect you from being hurt, you’re not only starting from square one again; you’re starting prior to the conception of square one. I saw my ex move on before I had. I saw how amazingly he was doing. And although I was happy for him, I was mad, and feeling self-deprecating and feeling jealous. I was turning inward and telling myself that I wasn’t worthy of a relationship. Am I that easy to get over? I wanted to shake my head like an Etch-A-Sketch, and erase all of our memories together. There was a sense of freedom for me if I could do that. I know, pathetic. But that’s what I am struggling with. I feel lonely. I miss the person I had been with. Yes, after our break-up, we have had some amazing conversations, but there is something missing. I don’t know what it is. I feel like I’m taking steps back from our relationship, but into what and where?

I’ve had a realization that, in order to learn from this, I need to walk through the fire. I need to feel the hurt and the joy and the confusion of what I’m supposed to do and what I’m supposed to feel. It’s almost when one question gets answered, another three sprout from that answer. But to me this is part of the process.

I apologize if this all sounds confusing or heavy, but I need to go through this. I need to walk through the fire. I need to get burnt and take everything in; surround myself with my thoughts and feelings. I know I am not alone, but I struggle with the loneliness. It’s part of my growth. And even at this stage in my life; there sure as hell is room for growth.

I did want to thank everyone who has responded to my posts. There is so much we can learn from other people’s experiences. One being that I’m not alone.

Photo Credit: Image: Suat Eman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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